There is a sense of knowing deep within your heart that you have everything you need, that you are fully supported, and that peace comes from within. Your sanctuary is finding this place. It is located in your loving heart and soul.

To build sanctuary, perhaps we should start with an understanding the opposite of sanctuary which is focusing on the outside environment to make us feel good, supported, validated, approved of and worthy.  We work very hard to make conditions outside of us perfect so that we feel well.  On occasion, this goes as planned and on occasion it does not.  This is generally when we learn about sanctuary and begin to understand that  our ego reaches outside of us to arrange the outer world for our inner peace.

The last sentence is worth repeating….Our ego reaches outside of us to arrange the outer world for our inner peace. Think about this for a moment. “If only others would just behave as I want them to, then I’ll be okay.” we say. “If only I had  ___blank (job, car, house, love, status, etc.)____, I’d be secure.” “If only I knew this bad time would pass and things would be good again, I wouldn’t be so worried.”

Deep inside us, we intuitively and at a higher level of consciousness, know that we are exactly where we are meant to be… meeting any of life’s challenges or enjoying life’s blessings.  Peace and contentment come from within. Our ability to go within frequently, can create peace and calm for us on a regularly basis no matter the external environment. When we go within, what do we find? Will we find kindness or aggression? That is up to you. I advocate dropping the common habit of being extremely hard on yourself (as we often are) and creating a loving and kind landing place that supports you for the journey ahead.  Drop judgment and pick up curiosity. Consider the questions “What am I feeling?” “What do I need right now?” and answer yourself. Focus within rather than outside yourself. When we find ourselves focusing on outside circumstances, places, and people to make us feel good, or letting them make us feel badly, we can visit our own sanctuary in our place of knowing we are supported, and find our highest good.  In this place, we know we are supported, loved, and on life’s journey.

Sanctuary is always available to us because it is within us. We can go deep within during stormy times to find calm, comfort, peace and support.  We can choose to trust that there are more answers than questions in this place, if we are willing to live from our hearts rather than our heads.  Our ego grasps at control because it is afraid and distrustful of what may occur if we are not directing everything.  In reality, we do not control the outside world, but we can control our reactions. We can go within our sanctuary to meet our challenges and any uncertainty with loving kindness.  As we have learned in other articles, our thoughts and fears lead us to doubt.  When this happens, we begin to create stories we believe are real.  There is a profound acronym  for fear to remind us to beware of its power. “Fear” stands for “false evidence appearing real.”  Let go of the struggle and get to what is real and not an illusion.  Find the place deep within where you can rely on your inner knowing, strength and source.  This is how we build sanctuary and utilize it as a foundation for our wellness.

Steps to building sanctuary:

Live from your heart and not your head. Open-hearted living allows us to see that we are exactly where we are meant to be: viewing challenges as lessons life offers rather than feeling like we need to control life or we are victims of negative circumstance. Beware of the ego’s discontentedness. Choose love over fear. Our egos live in the world of judgment, resentment, blame, but in our hearts we are loving and kind to all including and most importantly, ourselves.

Know you are worthy. You were born worthy and all beings share the same human worth. Money, success, athleticism, beauty and many other qualities along these lines are market worth but not worthiness. Whether you are having a hard time or a good time, this does not affect your worthiness either. Each life is a journey we take and each person is worthy.

Be on your own side.  You do not need to constantly seek others’ approval.  “No one knows what is written on your soul.” This beautiful saying by the late motivational and spiritual teacher Wayne Dyer is aimed at reminding us of this inner sense of knowing.  Even friends or family with our best intentions in mind are not necessarily more knowledgeable than we are about what is best for us. This is why it is so important to listen to inner guidance which comes from our heart rather than our head.

Envision the best. Rather than building negative scenarios that fit our fears, use sanctuary to find a deep knowing that we are all right and that everything will ultimately be the way it is meant to be. From this place we can use creative visualization to create a calm, positive place from which to manifest the best. Believe that you have everything you need in this life and that it just may not be outwardly visible at the moment, but inwardly you have all the support you need and everything will unfold in its own time.

Building your own sanctuary is a critical skill for living well. Without it we are blowing in the wind of public opinion, emotions, and subject to tremendous stress and discontent. Take some time to find that place in your heart, in your soul, that you can connect to in good times and bad to create a strong foundation for wellbeing.

In future weeks, we will continue to learn more about mastering our mind, looking inward, and connecting to our truest selves. You are so worth it! Thank you for investing this time in INNERSPACE.  If you are interesting in joining the INNERSPACE Facebook Group we would be happy to welcome you!


Kim Perone, Certified Life Coach at The Center for Clarity, Compassion & Contentment serves clients with one-on-one and group coaching and can be reached via email or phone at [email protected], (518) 301-3593.

For more information on life coaching and The Center’s activities, visit